Sitting here, again on Sunday and waiting for the clock to strike 5 (yes, I am aware that it is already a few minutes past 5), because that is when my babies come home. I never asked to be a single mom, or to have to send my babies off and be without them for even 5 minutes....but every Sunday I find myself doing the very same thing...sitting on FB, watching out the window and wishing they would come home. I feel like I was way better at sharing when I was in Kindergarten, but then again all I had to share back then was blocks and dolls....things I was not all that attached to. The stakes are much higher now, because I have to hand my children over and find something to do with my life to take my mind off of the fact that they are not here.....with me......
I usually do the grocery shopping, which is actually a win-win for everyone, as the kids would rather do anything else in the world, and when I have them I tend to buy way more than what I actually need. Oh, just looked out the window again.....This sucks.
When I had my children I remember being so happy, and excited to spend my life watching them grow up and sharing with them all of the things I love in life. I never gave it even a moments thought that I could possibly be in a situation where I would not have them 24/7. It is funny the things you miss about your children when they aren't with you...like even the way they argue, or the sound of those annoying toys (which, by the way, do not sound the same when you press the button to break up the silence).
I remember the first time they went...it was a long day, and I spent most of it dazed and wondering what they were doing and where they were going and when they would be back. I remember getting a call earlier than planned, asking if I could pick them up because they were ready to come home....I remember crying when I had them back in my van. I remember praying that night that I could be stronger and that I could let go a little easier....I remember knowing that it would never be easier and I would never be able to just let them go and walk away without feeling sad about it.
Even now, 3.5 years after the end of my marriage it is as hard to walk away as it was the very first time. I miss them, and I don't "want" to be away from them....I don't like being away from them, or having to spend every minute from 4:30 until they come home watching out the window; and now that they are both in school I feel the loss even more. I know it is normal, and I know that everyone who does this feels the same way....but it sucks.....Truck is here...my babies are home!!!!!
