So, I have come to this very page a few times to try and write this blog...I even thought about just skipping it and moving on without touching on the subject; but it just didn't seem to be the right thing to do. I don't want to reduce myself to a blubbering mess while typing this entry, but I do want to make it perfectly clear how important my grandpa was in my life and the lives of my children, so I am going to try to keep it simple but meaningful. Here we go.....
My grandpa was a huge part of my life, for my whole life; and when he passed away at 91 last Friday I felt a sadness I have only felt once before in my life. I didn't have a blog 7 years ago when my grandma passed away, but I felt the same thing then that I felt when the nurse phoned at 5:40 on Friday, November 18, 2011, and told me that my grandpa was gone. I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach and I just could neither breathe nor answer the nurse for what felt like so much longer than it likely was. It wasn't like we weren't aware that he could die, but more that we didn't think it would happen quite the way it did; and I instantly felt the loss, not only for me but for my babies too.
In the last few months they had spent more time with Ol'pa than before because he had been in the hospital and then with moving him into his new apartment, we were there a lot...and it was really amazing to watch them with him. I miss that...I miss him.
Telling my children was also a tough thing to do, and thinking about it brought me to tears every time. On Friday night mom and I drove to the hospital to see him one last time, and seeing him so peaceful...like he was sleeping, and having the chance to talk to the nurses (specifically the one who had been in with him right before he passed) was very healing, in a way I had never imagined it could be. I am not a person who believes in "closure" or the need for that in order to get through this kind of thing, but there was definitely a healing that happened when I was in that room, and i will forever be grateful to the nurses for allowing us that time with him.
When the littles came home on Saturday morning, and I knew that I had to tell them I was really worried about how, and what word to use...but my amazing ladybug just seemed to understand. She asked a few questions, and we have had some conversations about it; but she just accepted that he had gone home to heaven and was now with Ol'ma...as though she had faced this before.....she was just so sure that he was there. Amazing!!
Thursday, 24 November 2011
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
Halloween
To those of you who really know me, this will not come as much of a surprise....I do NOT like Halloween. I can't put my finger on exactly when it stopped being something that I enjoyed and became something that I dread....but it was definitely before I had my own children. I think that the whole experience has gone from casual community fun, to a real pain in the...well, you catch my drift!!
I remember a few Halloweens with my niece and nephew, and a couple with my step-daughter that were actually quite a bit of fun....but at some point in there, it all just became so unnecessary in my opinion. I was actually quite surprised at how relieved I was when I didn't see HALLOWEEN PARTY on Ladybug's preschool calendar; of course it was an oversight, and there was a party, but it was not as bad as I had anticipated. I enjoyed the costumes, and I had fun with my girly (dressed as a witch) and her friends....but it was not something that I was looking forward to at all!!
I don't take the kids out trick or treating in our neighborhood, instead I take them to the mall...and enjoy that far more than I would going door to door because I am constantly reminded of how rude the kids are who are out getting candy these past few years. They are either way too old, or are so worried they won't get any candy that they are practically pushing the other kids off the step. If I have to look up to see your face (and I realize when I say this, that I am short...but the point still stands) you are too old to be going door to door. This year, I noticed that there were adults getting candy at the mall....and a few times Pandaman was pushed to the side by a much older (borderline too old) kid in order to get to the candy first. My biggest problem, was that the same two kids kept pushing ahead of much smaller kids in an effort to get the candy first; and I was thankful when finally a dad stepped in and told them to settle down.
I was thrilled with my babies though, as they both waited their turn, and Ladybug thanked every single person who handed her a candy or sticker.....and even when she got her flu shot (yes, we all got flu shots on Halloween) she thanked the nurse, talk about good manners!! I had to put aside my dislike for this "holiday", that in my opinion should be scaled way back, and realize that as long as the kids have some fun we all win a little. I do look forward to the day when I can put on a party instead of having to deal with crowded malls or hitting the streets to gather candy; of course, I can always dream that by the time that happens Halloween will be a thing of the past.......yeah, I know, not likely!!
Please don't get me wrong, I know that there are many kids out there who are polite, and kind and who enjoy Halloween because of more than just the free candy....but I guess that I have seen too many cases of it being a free for all filled with rudeness; or maybe it is just that I don't truly understand how anyone can love Halloween THAT much. It has never been my favorite "holiday", even as a kid I didn't really enjoy it the way other people did....but now as a parent, I just don't see much value in the whole event. It takes yet another day away from classes, it costs way too much money, and it promotes taking candy from strangers.....I just truly don't get it at all; but as with so many other things that we do as parents, I will smile and laugh and dress the kids up because they do enjoy it. I can see value in their enjoyment, and I can gain a little appreciation for the experiences that they have....the costumes and the excitement of a "late night".
It will never be a day that I love...but my kids don't need to have the fun taken away just because I don't "get it"......any one that wants to explain it to me, can give it a go; but I will warn you that I am not likely to be persuaded!! Anyway, glad it is over for another year.....now on to Christmas!!!
I remember a few Halloweens with my niece and nephew, and a couple with my step-daughter that were actually quite a bit of fun....but at some point in there, it all just became so unnecessary in my opinion. I was actually quite surprised at how relieved I was when I didn't see HALLOWEEN PARTY on Ladybug's preschool calendar; of course it was an oversight, and there was a party, but it was not as bad as I had anticipated. I enjoyed the costumes, and I had fun with my girly (dressed as a witch) and her friends....but it was not something that I was looking forward to at all!!
I don't take the kids out trick or treating in our neighborhood, instead I take them to the mall...and enjoy that far more than I would going door to door because I am constantly reminded of how rude the kids are who are out getting candy these past few years. They are either way too old, or are so worried they won't get any candy that they are practically pushing the other kids off the step. If I have to look up to see your face (and I realize when I say this, that I am short...but the point still stands) you are too old to be going door to door. This year, I noticed that there were adults getting candy at the mall....and a few times Pandaman was pushed to the side by a much older (borderline too old) kid in order to get to the candy first. My biggest problem, was that the same two kids kept pushing ahead of much smaller kids in an effort to get the candy first; and I was thankful when finally a dad stepped in and told them to settle down.
I was thrilled with my babies though, as they both waited their turn, and Ladybug thanked every single person who handed her a candy or sticker.....and even when she got her flu shot (yes, we all got flu shots on Halloween) she thanked the nurse, talk about good manners!! I had to put aside my dislike for this "holiday", that in my opinion should be scaled way back, and realize that as long as the kids have some fun we all win a little. I do look forward to the day when I can put on a party instead of having to deal with crowded malls or hitting the streets to gather candy; of course, I can always dream that by the time that happens Halloween will be a thing of the past.......yeah, I know, not likely!!
Please don't get me wrong, I know that there are many kids out there who are polite, and kind and who enjoy Halloween because of more than just the free candy....but I guess that I have seen too many cases of it being a free for all filled with rudeness; or maybe it is just that I don't truly understand how anyone can love Halloween THAT much. It has never been my favorite "holiday", even as a kid I didn't really enjoy it the way other people did....but now as a parent, I just don't see much value in the whole event. It takes yet another day away from classes, it costs way too much money, and it promotes taking candy from strangers.....I just truly don't get it at all; but as with so many other things that we do as parents, I will smile and laugh and dress the kids up because they do enjoy it. I can see value in their enjoyment, and I can gain a little appreciation for the experiences that they have....the costumes and the excitement of a "late night".
It will never be a day that I love...but my kids don't need to have the fun taken away just because I don't "get it"......any one that wants to explain it to me, can give it a go; but I will warn you that I am not likely to be persuaded!! Anyway, glad it is over for another year.....now on to Christmas!!!
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