Ol'pa

So, I have come to this very page a few times to try and write this blog...I even thought about just skipping it and moving on without touching on the subject; but it just didn't seem to be the right thing to do. I don't want to reduce myself to a blubbering mess while typing this entry, but I do want to make it perfectly clear how important my grandpa was in my life and the lives of my children, so I am going to try to keep it simple but meaningful.  Here we go.....

My grandpa was a huge part of my life, for my whole life; and when he passed away at 91 last Friday I felt a sadness I have only felt once before in my life.  I didn't have a blog 7 years ago when my grandma passed away, but I felt the same thing then that I felt when the nurse phoned at 5:40 on Friday, November 18, 2011, and told me that my grandpa was gone.  I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach and I just could neither breathe nor answer the nurse for what felt like so much longer than it likely was.  It wasn't like we weren't aware that he could die, but more that we didn't think it would happen quite the way it did; and I instantly felt the loss, not only for me but for my babies too.

In the last few months they had spent more time with Ol'pa than before because he had been in the hospital and then with moving him into his new apartment, we were there a lot...and it was really amazing to watch them with him.  I miss that...I miss him.

Telling my children was also a tough thing to do, and thinking about it brought me to tears every time.  On Friday night mom and I drove to the hospital to see him one last time, and seeing him so peaceful...like he was sleeping, and having the chance to talk to the nurses (specifically the one who had been in with him right before he passed) was very healing, in a way I had never imagined it could be.  I am not a person who  believes in "closure" or the need for that in order to get through this kind of thing, but there was definitely a healing that happened when I was in that room, and i will forever be grateful to the nurses for allowing us that time with him.

When the littles came home on Saturday morning, and I knew that I had to tell them I was really worried about how, and what word to use...but my amazing ladybug just seemed to understand.  She asked a few questions, and we have had some conversations about it; but she just accepted that he had gone home to heaven and was now with Ol'ma...as though she had faced this before.....she was just so sure that he was there.  Amazing!!