Okay, so I have been slacking here...not that I have so many followers that it matters, but I was finding that I felt peace and calm after posting just a smidge about my life. It seems like I am able to really pull back and look at things from a much different perspective when I can write about what is going on in my life...yet, when I need it most I sit down and feel like I just can't get the words out.
I have always heard about the calm before the storm, but honestly I have been living in a sort of limbo for so long now (over 2 years) that I don't even know if I would be able to handle a calm life. I am constantly wondering when the shit is going to hit the fan, or when I am going to be expected to handle more than I think I can....and then things get so quiet that I become paranoid. Is it too much to ask for life to become normal? Do I even truly understand what normal is anymore? I have put so much aside now that I just don't know where to begin.
I want to open a dayhome, but in order to do that I have to declutter and organize my life...and I can not find the motivation to do it. There have been so many changes and with each one there comes a new set of stresses and emotions that I am not sure how to deal with. I want to go back to school, but to do that I need money...thus the day home...which would also (if licensed) give me a chance at courses that I would really love to take. I spent time this year in my daughter's preschool class, and realized that I totally missed the mark when I decided that teaching wasn't for me.....teaching high schoolers isn't for me...but the wee ones, now that I can do!!
I want to lose weight...but again, I don't even know where to begin. This is a struggle I have had for a few years now, and although I would love to be able to point at my beautiful babies and say..."well my darlings, because I carried you for nine long months, I have this paunch...." but the truth of the matter is that I can't blame them for my lack of motivation and self control. I just have to own it, and work hard to overcome...I am getting there, slowly but surely...just wish the last 25 lbs would come off as easy as the first did; I suppose I am not alone in that wish!!
A few things that I can cross off my "To Do List" are, the boy is potty trained...well, at my house he is anyway!! My sweet girl is done preschool and both littles are registered for their classes next year!! I have learned how much Early Childhood Education is the path that I need to be on, and have decided what I need to do about it....now I just need to host a "organize my house" party and get started down that path and into the future!!
Now if I could just get divorced....I mean really, who knew it would take this long??? A word to all those out there...put everything in writing when you like each other so that when things go to pot, you have it in writing how important it is for you to be at home with your kids, or how much your gig as a SAHM is worth in dollars and cents!! Believe me, when he says you deserve to earn half his paycheque for the work you do....that is only going to be true as long as you are together, once you are not all that you do will be worth so much less.....sad but true!!!
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