So I was posting a comment on a forum recently and realized that often there are misunderstandings on those forums and because of what must be a character flaw of mine, I tend to take the responses to heart when they are negative. I know that my opinion is not going to be the same as everyone elses, and how boring it would be if it were, but I don’t think that there needs to be such a drastic and angry response when someone voices an opinion that isn’t like your own.
I am generally able to turn the other cheek and realize that whoever is angry with my post (which is usually exactly my opinion and is very rarely emotionally charged) just doesn’t get that some of us are not going to say what is expected and doesn’t get that a public forum is made up of many different people with different life experiences and different opinions……that is both the beauty and the horror of posting to a public medium.
Now my situation is different than many in my shoes, and because of this I tend to think that those who expect to separate from their partner and have everything run smoothly is in for a shocker….it just rarely happens. My ex and I are able to look past the minor details and work through things, most of the time…and on the times when it doesn’t happen that way, we each walk away and dust ourselves off and come at it with a new approach the next time. Not everyone is the same…which is okay, but if you are going to take everyone’s opinions and ideas personally when they don’t validate your own, you will be hurt every time.
Judgment comes in many forms, from in your face to someone making remarks about you that they can’t possibly know to be true…because they only know you as a screen name on a site that they visit. One of the easiest ways to come face to face with judgment is to become a parent…you see, everyone who has ever had a child in their life (their own or just one they saw briefly at a store) is an expert and knows exactly how you should be raising yours. I have had complete strangers approach me and offer “sage advice” about what I should/could be doing differently to make my children and their lives better. The funniest thing about that, is that my kids are amazing, well behaved, and kind…not sure they need to be “better”.
It starts even before the child is born, I mean if you use meds during labour you will hear form many that we are “lucky” to be having babies now because that wasn’t available “back when I had babies”…and really, even if it was available, they wouldn’t have used it because it is soooo bad for the baby. If you don’t used meds you are asked if you are crazy?? Why in the heck would anyone do THAT without medication? If you breastfeed you are indecent and will push others to do the same; and if you feed formula you are poisoning your child. If you circumcise your son you are cruel and ignorant, and if you don’t you haven’t listened to years worth of medical information….REALLY??
It is impossible to make everyone happy, but why is it okay? Why do we not tell people to keep their judgment to themselves, or better yet…walk away? I have started to cut people off when they say something that doesn’t help me in any way. I don’t want to hear someone elses opinion of why I should do things differently, or why my way isn’t the best way. I take pride in the way I have raised my kids, and I don’t feel like I need to explain myself to anyone…especially if I didn’t ask.
Which brings me to my point (I know it took a while to get here) if you don’t want judgment, don’t bring it upon yourself; or at the very least, read your post from every angle before posting it so that it only invites the comments you want to hear. Often it is the comments from people who read into your post in a different way than you ever would have, that actually help the most….but then you actually have to be open to a different opinion to get that. Hmmmm….just my opinion though.
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