With two kids who are involved in swimming and gymnastics, or dancing, etc. I find myself meeting other parents and talking to them about a variety of subjects. I enjoy meeting new people, and sort of feel like for a while it has stopped happening at the rate that it used to. I mean, let's be honest when our children are very young there are few opportunities to really meet new people in the way that you would as a single person, or as a mother of older children. I feel like you have to tread lightly when meeting other parents in this type of situation.
I have always liked people and being sociable, but that part of my life has been lacking in the past few years, and so I find myself hanging back and letting the other parents do the talking. It is hard for me to step out and stop being so shy...which believe me, anyone who has known me throughout my life would think is a funny description for me. I have become a person who is less confident than I would like to admit; yet if you asked me why, I couldn't tell you. I think for me, I isolated myself when I had kids and then with the separation I became even less secure about who I am at the very core.
Don't get me wrong, I love myself, and I know that I am a good person and a great mom; but I do question some of my past decisions (especially some that got me to this point, and in the way that I got here) and I question whether I am, in fact, the same person at the core that I have always been. I work hard to be the role model for my kids that I think they deserve, but I have been doing some soul searching, and have to wonder what things i should or could change to make my impression even better.
The people that I meet and invite into our lives have to be people who stand for the same types of things that I stand for...or that I want my kids exposed to, and therein lies the problem. You can meet all types of people through your kids and in life; but some of these people are NOT the kind that you want your children to become attached to. Once you separate from your partner/spouse, there is a distinct feeling that enters your heart; a questioning of your ability to find someone who will stand the test of time, because for all intents and purposes that "other parent" to your children was supposed to be your forever, so how do you know that the next decision is going to be a better one.
I know now what is truly important to me, and I really hope that I have learned enough about myself and what me and my kids deserve to make better choices in the future; because whether the "people" we meet are friends, new partners, or merely aquaintances it is important to make sure that they are people of quality and that they are people that we would be proud to stand beside and have our children around long term. I am no where near ready to find a "new partner", but I don't want to miss the opportunity because I am so busy trying to make it all "perfect". Having great partners/friends is not about how "perfect" they are, or how alike you are; it is more about finding those people who compliment you AND are willing to compromise and work together even when it seems like it is impossible.
I look forward to my kids being involved in sports and school as they get older, and I look forward to the "new people" that it will give me a chance to meet....and I can't wait to see if I have truly learned from my past and become the better person that I keep thinking that I am!
There is no doubt that you are a great person Jerri. You are also not the same person you once were, either. That's how life works. We change and evolve throughout the years.
ReplyDeleteI think there is a balance one must find between what is realistic and what is not, in terms of finding that new partner. The picture-perfect fairytale lives people think they are entitled to is great.......in the fairytale books......but in reality NOBODIES" lives are the way they think they are entitled to have them be. But as you say, you have to be able to distinguish, more effectively than in years past, the bad apples from the good ones. You will NEVER achieve that fairytale relationship.....unless it is based on pure fluff and phoniness, in which case it isn't a fairytale life then is it?.......but you WILL achieve a great one with a guy who values you and your kids and the ethics and standards you live by. But, does that mean that your great relationship with that great guy will last "forever"? Who knows........chances are pretty damned good that it won't, and that is just a harsh reality, and in my opinion it is unreasonable to believe that it will last forever. Life is not a dream.
You're a good egg and you have great kids and you are doing a FANTASTIC job raising them!! In terms of finding that new partner, shoot for the stars but be ready to settle for Camrose.
:)